uninvited
by fiftyways
Summary: Ichigo has several unexpected (and not welcomed) visitors from Soul Society. Slight ByaRen. R&R? :)


**A/N**: Something that popped into my mind. Tell me if it's a little bit OOC, because I 'm not too sure myself. I think it's a bit long. Please, please tell me if it's draggy and boring, because this is my first time doing a multi-chapter story. So don't kill me if it sucks, just tell me nicely because I'm a noobie shitster at writing fanfic. Constructive criticisms are welcome. No flames. :)

**Disclaimer**: Bleach doesn't belong to me, it belongs to Manga Man Tite Kubo. Harry Potter belongs to the gorgeous Queen Jo.

This fic is unbetaed and my command of English isn't that fantastic, so tell me if there's spelling/grammar/punctuation mistakes.

I present you chapter numero uno. Enjoy!

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For the first time Ichigo could ever remember, there was a rare silence at the Kurosaki residence.

He looked around the house cautiously, calling out, " Dad? Yuzu? Karin?"

Nothing.

_What is this_, he thought._ No flying kick to greet me home, no offers of snacks from Yuzu, no sullen Karin stares? _

Now, you might think our dear boy Ichigo would be happy that he unexpectedly got himself a peaceful break from his lunatic of a father and his way of showing love, yes?

The answer is... no. Oh no. Far from it, to be honest. The truth was, Ichigo was suspicious. Very suspicious.

As the orange-haired substitute shinigami made his way up the stairs to his room, there was a little shuffling noise, followed by a loud "Shhh!" Ichigo cocked his head to his side, trying to figure where the sound had come from.

Then Ichigo heard it again- a series of muffled laughter, coming from his room.

Ichigo's eyes narrowed. _Knew it wouldn't last, _a voice which suspiciously sounded like Shirosaki's snickered in the back of his head.

_Shut up, _he bit out in his head._ Shirosaki,_ he added, _just in case it's you. _

He stomped his way to his door, glared at the sign with the number 15 that he had hung and turned the doorknob, totally expecting his dad and Yuzu to jump out and try to scare him out of his skin.

So Ichigo slipped in his room with his back turned, setting down his schoolbag beside the door.

He spun around, thinking his dad would be looming over him, shoving his bearded face as close as possible to his-

"GAH!" Ichigo shrieked, holding his hands up. It wasn't the familiar face of Goat Chin; instead, it was a lean face staring down at him- no- _glaring_ at him. A pair of black eyes with red markings at each corner of the lids narrowed in irritation. Light glinted off his smooth hairless head.

"What-what-" was only what Ichigo could manage after his shock from having the Eleventh Division's third seat's ugly mug pressed up to his nose.

"Whatcha blibberin' 'bout, huh, Kurosaki? Scared?" Ikkaku Madarame snickered.

"What are you doing here?" Ichigo snapped and straightened his shirt, ignoring the bald man's question.

"Uh, well, Yamamoto-soutaichou gave us a week off-"

"Wait- us?!"

"Tch, 'chu blind or summat, berry-boy?" Ikkaku pointed over his shoulder. "Didn't you see 'em?"

Over his shoulder, on Ichigo's bed, waved a smiling Rangiku. Renji was beside her, letting Yumichika braid his hair. Kira and Shuuhei were flipping through his collection of mangas on the floor, while Toushirou sat on his windowsill, napping.

Someone was missing. "Where's Rukia?" Ichigo asked.

"Closet,"Shuuhei said, absorbed in a copy of GTO* volume two.

Ichigo looked around his room. "You're such a girl, Renji. This ain't a sleepover party, you know," he commented at the redhead and the fifth seat's hairstyling session.

"At least I've got hair I can be proud of, idiot!" Renji sneered. Yumichika nodded vigorously.

"He does have lovely hair, you know, all long and scarlet and shiny..." Yumichika added.

To this Ichigo retorted, "Said who, either than you?"

Renji's smug answer made him pass out.

"Kuchiki-taichou."

* * *

"Go away," Ichigo muttered, popping an aspirin in his mouth and chasing it down with ice-cold milk straight from the carton.

The shinigamis were in the kitchen, having brought Ichigo down to splash his face with water because he had fainted.

Ichigo tried to remember what happened before he was unconscious. Hmm... oh yeah, his conversation with Renji. And-

"Renji.. you're going out with_ Byakuya_? Byakuya Kuchiki? Head of Kuchiki clan? Owner of Senbonzakura? The same guy who tried to sliced you and me up like sashimi? Rukia's brother? The one with the ten-foot pole up his-"

Rukia, who had been sitting beside him, smacked the back of his neck without looking up from her sketchbook.

"-sorry."

Rukia beamed up at Ichigo angelically, while Ichigo seethed inside, his eyes burning holes into her head, promising revenge.

Renji nodded like a strung-up marionette to all of his questions, a goofy smile forming on his face.

"Ugh, sap," Ichigo said under his breath and threw a balled-up tissue paper at the redheaded shinigami. It bounced off his forehead and rolled back to Ichigo on the table. Renji was still staring unseeingly, probably mooning over Byakuya and him holding hands and sharing ice-cream.

"So what exactly are you doing in my house?" Ichigo demanded.

"Told you- Yamamoto-soutaichou gave us a week off," Ikkaku said.

"Why?"

"Dunno, Captain Zaraki just told us Eleveners to scram out the barracks because we had a week off and went all,'Go pick fights with Ichigo. And tell him to visit me'," Yumichika answered, examining his reflection on the microwave and re-fastening his feathery eyelash extensions.

_Hell no_, Ichigo thought. He stood up and clapped loudly to gather everyone's attention.

"Alright, y'all. You can get out now. Thank you for coming, really. Appreciate it." Ichigo stabbed a finger at the direction of the doorway. "The door's that way," he said helpfully.

"But-but, we've just got here! And we came all the way from Soul Society to visit you!" Rangiku pouted, a hand on her expansive bosom. "Right, taichou?" She widened her blue-gray eyes at her captain, who was perched on the counter and eating cold soba noodles straight from a Tupperware.

"C'mon, Kurosaki! At least let me finish this first!" Shuuhei gestured at the manga he was clutching like it was the Elixir of Life from one of those Harry Potter books Yuzu left lying around.

"Yeah, or else, or else, I- uh... aha- personally drag you to Zaraki-taichou," Izuru threatened. "Let me finish my manga too."

"Do it, and I'll take away your manga," Ichigo threatened back.

Izuru suddenly went very quiet.

"If you kick us out, Ichigo," Rukia said slyly,"I'll tell Nii-sama that you tried to seduce Renji."

"Like you dare."

"Watch me," Rukia snapped and took out a cellphone and began dialing.

_She wouldn't, would she? _a voice whispered timidly in Ichigo's head.

"Yes, Akon-kun, Lieutenant Kuchiki speaking. Could you connect me to Sixth Division's HQ? Er, yes, to Captain Kuchiki's line. Tell him it's about his fukutaichou."

Upon hearing that Ichigo jumped up like someone dropped an ice-cube down his buttcrack and snatched away the phone from Rukia.

"Hello, hello? Akon-san, there's no need for that, cancel the call RIGHT NOW," Ichigo blabbered panickedly, sending a death glare at the black-haired girl.

Rukia only smirked and wiggled her eyebrows suggestively at him as laughter erupted around them, seeing the hero of Soul Society so flustered just from the threat of calling Byakuya Kuchiki.

Ichigo flipped the phone shut a little bit too violently and stalked towards Rukia, who smiled calmly.

"What," he whispered dangerously, "was that for?" His fists clenched and unclenched, fingers flexing.

"You challenged me, Ichigo. I couldn't turn it down. Pride is very important to us Kuchikis, you know."

"DO YOU WANT ME TO _**DIE**_, RUKIA?!" he screeched, flapping his arms wildly.

There were more laughter, but Ichigo tuned it out. He was too incensed.

Rukia regarded Ichigo like he was a toddler throwing a hissy fit.

"You wouldn't hit a mere defenseless girl, would you, Ichigo?" she continued and blinked her violet eyes innocently.

_Like hell you are_, he thought viciously.

"They make a cute couple, don't you think, Yumi?" murmured Rangiku happily, seeming oblivious to the argument that could end very badly.

"They're _fighting_, Ran."

Rangiku flicked her hair back. "Emotions are running high, Yumi. You know what that means?"

"Ichigo's probably gonna kill her?"

"_No_, my darling boy. It means sparks are_ flying_," Rangiku corrected Yumichika dramatically.

Suddenly, her captain hopped off from his perch on the counter. "Where're you going, taichou?" the buxom lieutenant asked.

At that moment, the temperature in the kitchen suddenly dropped to sub-zero conditions. Cold air puffed out from the child prodigy as he spoke,"Kurosaki, quieten down and let me eat in peace and maybe I won't turn you into a lovely ice statue to decorate your living room."

Ichigo knew when he was defeated. Besides, he really didn't want to die of frostbite. "Fine," he muttered. Anything to please the captain and stop him from messing with his icy powers.

Ichigo took a deep breath. "Could you raise back the temperature?" he grumped. "Please," he added hurriedly.

The air gradually grew warmer. "Thank you," Ichigo mumbled.

Ichigo sighed defeatedly. "Well, if you're gonna be staying with me for a week, then you gotta get yourselves some gigais first. I'm not gonna walk down the street and be looking like I'm talking to my imaginary friends."

Cheers broke out from the shinigamis.

"Wait, you have imaginary friends?" Izuru asked.

"I was just saying. Go back to your manga, Izuru, before I start cracking dumb-blonde jokes," Ichigo said snippily.

Shuuhei chuckled.

"I thought you were my friend, Shuu..." Izuru said injuredly.

"So where we're gonna sleep?" Yumichika piped.

"You guys can crash in the living room. I think there's spare campbeds and tatami mats in the store room," Ichigo announced as he pulled out a drawer to get his house keys.

As he made his way to the front door, he caught sight of piece of paper taped on the wall , just above the shoe rack. Ichigo looked closer; the word 'Ichi-nii' was scrawled in bold letters at the top of the paper. He began to read:

**MY DEAR BOY ICHIGO **

_Dad must've written this_, he thought.

**IF YOU ARE READING THIS THEN IT MEANS THAT WE'RE NOT HOME.**

_Uh, you don't say, Dad. Then why would you leave me a note?_

**YOUR SISTERS AND I HAVE GONE TO HOKKAIDO FOR THE DUMPLING FESTIVAL THAT I TOLD YOU ABOUT BUT YOU NEVER SEEMED TO LISTEN.**

_Because half the time you're spouting nonsense?_ Ichigo's mind supplied.

**ANYWAY, WE'LL BE BACK BY THE END OF THE WEEK, SO DON'T WORRY TOO MUCH ABOUT US.**

_Thank the gods. Perfect timing. This way, Papa Goat Chin would never get the chance to meet Renji and the others. They'd totally hit it off, seeing they all belong together... in the loony bin. God forbid if they ever meet, _Ichigo thought, repressing a shudder.

**YUZU TOLD ME TO TELL YOU THAT SHE COOKED FOR YOU ALREADY, JUST WARM THEM UP IN THE MICROWAVE. AND TO GO GROCERY-SHOPPING FOR HER; THE SHOPPING LIST IS ON HER STUDY DESK.**

**XOXOXO**

**YOUR DEAREST BELOVED FATHER.**

"Baka," Ichigo muttered under his breath, tacking the note back on the wall. He looked back, his friends were in front of the telly, watching a rerun of a gameshow, and laughing, except for Izuru and Shuuhei, who were still concentrating on their comics._ Are they slow readers or what_, Ichigo thought.

"Guys, are we going out or what?"Ichigo called from the hallway. Rangiku was the first to jump up, followed by Renji, Ikkaku and the others.

"Where are we going?" she exclaimed.

"Urahara's," Ichigo answered depressedly. "To get gigais for you all, remember?"

"Oh yay!" Rangiku clapped excitedly. "Hey, Ichigo, do you think Urahara could make my gigai's boobs larger?"

"Is that even possible?" Ikkaku murmured very, very quietly.

Ichigo didn't reply; his mind was too full of his thoughts. He was probably going to work for Urahara until he was fifty and going senile to pay back for all seven gigais.

-tbc-

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Review? :) AND STAY TUNED FOR THE NEXT CHAPTER *DUN DUN DUUUUUUUUUUUN*

*BTW, for those who don't know, GTO stands for Great Teacher Onizuka. It's a manga by Tohru Fujisawa. It's about a pair of best friends, Eikichi and Ryuji who are very keen on losing their virginity, and they'd do anything to achieve that. Along the way they get into fights, have crazy adventures with the son of a yakuza kingpin and try (and fail) to pick up chicks. It's full of crude humour and swearing, but it's also real funny. :)

x


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